CHLOE
Sir! Before we make our final decision, we’d love to pitch you a paradigm-shifting, forward-facing, micro-optimal synergy strategy!CEO(Instinctively perks up, raising his golf club like a microphone)A pitch? In the middle of an insurrection? I love the hustle. Present.
CHLOE
Greg, show him the preliminary metrics on your wearable device!GREG(Sprinting forward, thrusting his arm directly out so the smartwatch is inches away from the golden golf club)Look at the data, sir! Look at the disruptive innovation!
CEO(Squinting at the tiny screen)I don't see any charts, I just see a tiny pixelated face—TOBY(Screaming from the watch)INBOUND DATA DUMP! CONVERTING PARADIGMS NOW!(A massive, digital dial-up screech erupts from the CEO's golden golf club. The club begins to vibrate violently. The diamond button flashes a frantic neon blue.)
CEOWhat is happening?! My remote is lagging!
TOBY(Laughing maniacally)I am uploading three million hours of mandatory sensitivity training, cyber-security quizzes, and unskippable videos about proper posture while lifting boxes!
CEO(Stumbling backward as the club sparks)No! Not the compliance videos! I’m the CEO! I’m supposed to be legally exempt from compliance!(The golf club emits a pathetic pop sound and a puff of grey smoke. The titanium deadbolts on the main glass doors instantly click and retract. The heavy doors swing wide open.)(A burst of genuine, warm sunlight floods the sterile marble lobby. The sound of birds chirping and real wind echoes into the building.)
CHLOE(Taking a deep breath)Is that... unpurified oxygen?GREG(Smiling warmly)It smells beautiful.
CEO(On his knees, desperately trying to reboot his fried golf club)Wait! Come back! If you leave, who is going to format the spreadsheets?! Who will click the Productivity Button?! The economy will collapse by tea time!GREG(Looking down at his watch)What do you think, Toby? Want to see what the real world looks like?TOBY(From the watch)I hear they have actual, physical art museums out there. Let's get out of here before they announce a mandatory feedback survey.
(GREG and CHLOE link arms. Without looking back at the weeping CEO, they step through the open doors and cross the threshold into the sunlight.)
[SCENE END]
And that is the curtain call for our corporate satire. I hope you enjoyed Greg, Chloe, and Toby's escape
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