THE BAYONET OF SOYINKA'S GRENADES

See ,here an epic of the golden morn greedily saunters

 the bland and groping sun hollers,

A hoary homilectics hoes the crying earth ,tingling the

bemused genre of avant-garde holloipoloi,

Not coronated by histrionics of houlier-than-thou  coyishness  and

 hoops of homologous dunghill;

Stoned I  hoofed and hooched on a hollowing crest ;

Hoisted on a hurl of fibrillated tendons ,hums and caricature

 of bayoneted charm ;

Hurtles and hustles bobs enbloc diadem ,whose enamel 

and enamour  enchanted this genre .

Hoops-jumpers  , honeyed and horological ,horrendous

but trudge like a  husky on a hussar;

 plough subconsciously  the sedentary horoscope;

Twerking  impedimenta  and impetuous  ,implausible as it sounds ,

curios imploded   ;

And the nobel erupted ,endearing its crust and firmament on  the

 impolitic afrocentric literary landscape;

-its quintessential  playwright and dramatis personae has come to

 stay  ;

Emoted ,denigrable and embroiled in an improvised ambush ;

The impulsive genre in an inflammatory emoliental  suburbs of

grey matter ,empathises  not black machismo .

Fiddly as it may,let it fiddle and let it cavort  with much ado ;

-a curlique on a smearing dub  as  cur and gallivant  of  irredentist

cumudgeon  and  bulshied  bogey  of ethnocentric jingoism  cues in vice ;

 Cretins in the jungle , cretinous and crispy , crappy and cowering

 cosseted the jungle;

Engross ,thou impertinent , the vibes and clickety-clung  of the bandwagon

jumpers ,clods and clumps thy fiddle ;

From clone  to clone-headlong ,clodhoppers like clockwork ,clinches

 to cosset;

Cipher  hound of climacteric hangover , de-cinched its tonic circumlocution .

A blarney stone –kisser out in a thump from a lonely cloud ,Soyinka ‘s

 grenades  ;

biblio-atomic missiles and ballistics fired from  its mortar and cityscape;

 worth more than its circus of cityslickers ;

To chaste the crying  earth and cages its burrowing lawns  ;

In this playground and playhouse ,the witty playcard is infested

 to intrigue with the bayoneted charm ;

Leaning on the grenades ,the musketeering of the jungle out of the medieval

Apparition;

Prowls ad-infinitum as grenadier’s gallantry dances on the sands of Sahara .

Howling mounds of picketed bathos wrangling wrought with dissipated steam ;

As gregarious chants in its fiefdom bastes this generic landscape  of the grey

 hack press ;

Detonated on the African soil –a diadem that could  have taken a millennium or half

 to  attain ;

The grenadier struck in adroit equanimity and untangled equipoise

to salvage this genre’s  sagging machismo;

Emaciated in this embankment , batsmen of acrimony and battalion of dudgeon-grovellers  

banters adnauseam .

Catawauls  o blimey they blink struck celerity with  the goblet of bayoneted  charm ,

to stab double-thinkers  to refute their  misgivings ;

A dour  on this peddlers of generic  leers  to douse its animosity  of the

grenadier ‘s milestone;

Turn to shred hoops-jumpers  and pitched behemoths and grenadier  in

A contest of nerves .

And thus in the latrine of ego-stripping they brawl-;

Achebe-

                                                            

                                                             Translation

Achebe-:Tell  me  do you even merit  that nobel ?It’s my birthright and

You only use charm to stab  my back and collect what is mine .You never worth it-not

 even a dime of it ‘cos I owned and authored the African bible

Osho-yi-mi-ka-:Which birthright ?You vacuous ,plainant pointificate of a dour and

A coveted sebaceous bough ,you better think again.Which African Bible I beg your pardon?

Achebe :Things fall apart ‘of course having sold over 10 million copies and translated

into over 100 languages and one of the top 50books ever written .

Osho-yi-mi-ka :Oh I see ,you are befuddled by that bleat of  intimidating credentials of a sheer raconteur ,wheezing like a grampus ? Does that qualify for a nobel?If those were yardstick ,John Grisham ,Jeffrey Archer who sold over 250 million copies of his books or J.K. Rowling –the world most powerful ,richest author and also with the highest number of books ever sold –a staggering 450 million copies of  all Harry Porter Series or the man behind Fifty Shades Of Grey with whooping 125 million copies sold would have been a nobel laureate  by now .Apart from the Holy bible that reportedly sold over 5 billion copies-the highest  ever sold ,the guiness book of record and then  several billions sold by Quran,what  of Hardley Chase  or Dan Brown with his Da Vinci Code sold over 100million copies .Angels And Demons by Dan Brown also sold over 40 million copies ,what about that ?How many of these luminaries  were so awarded

Achebe:don’t be stupid my friend  you are not worth it .You are  not worth it .

Osho-yi-mi-ka:Damni it you lour, if you have nothing to say you probably keep quiet  .

Achebe:But I have more proffesorship chairs,doctorates  and laurels in my entire lifetime career than you do.How come you boast?

Osho-yi-mi-ka:You ranting of an ant ,a single  nobel exceeds all of these your voluminous verbosities  and trash put together .Be contented with what you have –a raconteur  of the highest order .Come to think of it .You are master novelist but am a  master of all trades jack of all-from prose ,fiction ,poetry ,dramatist and all gamuts-name it  .Am an epitome  of  high art,my works are of pristine values am a wordsmith or a pun smith  as they call it ,writing from the original culture of the most original tribe –Yoruba in the whole world  .For your information ,nobel is not a popularity contest .Do I craft as you craft –a pun-smith sovereign general of the federation and African literature So,hide your head yourself in shame and keep quiet.

Thrown into a huff galled by grenadier’s missiles petulant saturated ,Achebe  with capsized  visage  and battered psychosomatically , evanesced and was  later confined to a lifelong wheelchair.WHO KNOWS THE PSYCHOLOGICAL DEFEAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR THE AC CIDENT ?An envious mind hardly sees clearly when he drives or subconsciously might infect even  the driver , colleagues and allies    .It hurts though  he might never have admitted it .Poetic dialogue travels into the spiritual world of the two writers to unmask subconscious words , spoken beyond the physical realm that we speak every day.

Bayoneted charm –a pathetic stab on horseback of a  paranoid

and the impudent of garrulous  insanity ;

See, how the grenadier  ‘s grenades  perhaps sealed  untimely 

daisy –kick of the Behemoth;

Success is golden and the grenadier is no equal to grovelers;

Like the incandescent light bulb that penetrates deepest darkness and once a

 champion,always a champion.

Now lounging on a luscent –lushes ,the lumberjack  of the

 kooked mules and knuckle headed luddites ;

Jousting  like a plain pikestaff  romping on a pizzazz,pattering

,peregrinatory beyond persiflage ;

Painterly praming the ovarian outshine of his judgemental

Bibliophiles;

Jubilant in the joyride as the old sleigh bells to relish its inundating

 Jingoism;

See, how he outfoxed  amidst the out-triggering sails to break the

 jinks,the jihaddists  and the jinxes;

In this jocular jockey, raming regurgitates its mount Olympus

 Melodramatic odyssey .

                                       KONGI’S   DOSIER

With the Swamp  Dwellers  in 1958 and Dance Of The Forest in

 1960;

Though  salvo was fired first as a playwright ,a bard and in this

Forest he first danced to bankroll the figment of Thespianism

And Nigerianism in the sixties ;

A jolly,jollier  and jolliest  of the Kongi Harvest ‘s inveigled nature

of teleology;

To unwrap and wriggle into being seventies’ eco-genesis  and   the

polymorphosis of the motion pictures industry ;

Garlanded by the inversion of time to invoke the inviolable

 paradigm of black machismo ;

Heypresto , with munitions and biblio-atomic missiles ,his rocket

 alights ;

To shoot the genesis  of golden pen dipper with Keffi’s Birthday

Treat in 1954, topped with  The Invention  in 1957 ;

And the dwellers that swamp,erupted  in 1958 and wreathed by the Quality

 of violence and the  Lion and The Jewel

As they wrestled for ovation  in 1959 wriggled with the   trials of Brother

Jero  ;

Like the Dance of the Forest ,the Cosmopolitan journeyman ,thronged  stardom

 With My Father’sBurden which took the sixties by storm ;

Strong Breed , Before the Blackout and Kongi’s Harvest coasted to press

 in 1964;

Unlike The Road in 1965 and the Mad Men and the Specialists in 1970;

The Bacchae of Euripides ,Camwood on The Leaves and Jerro’s Metamorphosis

Thrived in undissimilar fashion;

Churned out like a hatricks in 1973 and in 1984 ,Sixty-Six Short Piece and A

Play of Giants complemented this  momentum;

With The Death And the King’s Horseman  in 1975,the coast was clear for

 a Nobel ;

Erupted in 1986 with bucketful of global accolades for this bingo of binoculared

 black.a.moor ;

 Bespoke as a nobel  and  out in a thump as a chevalier  ,with psyche that grins ;--------smiling at problem

like Cheshire cat against  apparent  oddities ,to rise to the bait of apotheosis;               with his faith

The Dionysian bard in 1977 electrified audience  with Opera Wonyosi ,

 Requiem For A Futorologist unmasked  in 1983;

And  From Zia with love in 1992,two radio plays – A scourge of Hyacinths

 and Document of identity rolled out in 1999 ;

The beautifications of Area Boys in 1996 and King Babu in 2001 ;

Etiku Revu Wetin and Alapata  Aapata  unveiled in 2011 to the public ;

The coastguardman  of pen-dippers  , sole Afro-punsmith sobriqueted

like William Shakespeare ;

And the sovereign prime editor   of African literati and its marathon comic

 strips;

With the dexterity of expressionistic-impressionism,this firmament that struck --somebody that express

Explicitly with high explosives.-----himself clearly with great force both by feeling and real experience

Still flat-spined ,fleeced and soiled in the fogbank of African fleapits ;

Might be undone for millennia its forbears and forbidden ground ,

Let alone play footsie its forbidden fruit with the resonating prowls

of fledglings in its forays and forages;

A deity has been added to African pantheon of gods and goddesses ,

Still we know it not in a garrison town where garbages of acrimony ,

Littered the biblio-centric and biblio-philic landscape;

Genuflect ,you  mountains ,condescend you hills and valley ,you  hatchetmen

And helmsmen Of the jungle ;

Hobson choice fain thee to detest and a hemlock dregs -gulped  worthy penal

 can exit  derisive bird of passage

And garbages incinerated could  heave  homosapien a sigh of relief .