The Ghost Of Christmas

The Ghost of Christmas Future-Proofing

Characters:

SCROOGE: A modern tech CEO in a turtleneck.

GHOST: A digital projection appearing on a smart mirror.

Setting: A minimalist penthouse.

SCROOGE: (Tapping his watch) You’re late. My calendar had this haunting scheduled for 11:00 PM. It’s 11:04.

GHOST: THE QUANTUM STREAM IS UNSTABLE, EBENEZER. DO YOU WISH TO SEE THE FUTURE?

SCROOGE: Is it profitable? If it’s just more scenes of people crying over gravestones, I’ll pass. We’ve pivoted to a "wellness" focus this quarter.

GHOST: IN THIS FUTURE, YOUR COMPANY HAS COLLAPSED. YOUR APPS ARE MALWARE. YOUR SERVERS ARE BIRD NESTS.

SCROOGE: (Writing on a tablet) "Bird nests"... so, eco-friendly infrastructure? That’s a win for the ESG report.

GHOST: PEOPLE ARE HAPPY, SCROOGE. THEY ARE TALKING TO EACH OTHER. IN PERSON.

SCROOGE: (Horrified) Without an interface? No data tracking? That’s a nightmare. Show me the gravestone. I prefer the gravestone.

GHOST: IT SAYS: "HE HAD GREAT WIFI, BUT NO FRIENDS."

[BLACKOUT]

Characters:

DETECTIVE MILLER: Gritty, tired, holding a flashlight.

BEE: A woman in her 30s, holding a very calm tabby cat.

Setting: A messy kitchen. A broken vase lies on the floor.

BEE: Detective, he’s a cat. He was asleep on the radiator.

MILLER: That’s what he wants you to think. Look at those paws. Clean. Too clean. Like he’s scrubbed the evidence.

BEE: It was a $5 vase from Ikea. I’ll just buy another one.

MILLER: It’s not about the vase, Bee. It’s about the message. First the vase, then the curtains, then... total anarchy. (To the cat) Who are you working for? The Siamese down the street?

(The cat blinks slowly and begins to purr.)

MILLER: He’s mocking me. The vibration... it’s a code.

BEE: He’s purring because he wants treats.

MILLER: (Leaning in close) Or he’s jammin' my surveillance equipment. I’m taking him in for questioning.

BEE: You are not taking my cat to the station.

MILLER: Fine. But tell him this: We found the catnip stash under the sofa. The DA is gonna have a field day.

[BLACKOUT]

The Last Stand at the Buffet

Characters:

DAVE: A man holding a plate like a shield.

LINDA: A woman armed with a serving spoon.

Setting: A wedding buffet line. The shrimp cocktail is almost gone.

DAVE: Back away, Linda. I saw the cocktail sauce first.

LINDA: You already have six egg rolls, Dave. Your plate is a structural hazard.

DAVE: I’m eating for two. Me and my inner child, who was deprived of seafood in the 90s.

LINDA: (Points spoon) There is one jumbo shrimp left. If you touch it, I tell the bride you’re the one who tipped over the ice sculpture.

DAVE: (Freezes) You wouldn’t.

LINDA: Try me. I’ve got photos of the "puddle" you created.

DAVE: (Slowly lowers his fork) You’re ruthless.

LINDA: I’m hungry. There’s a difference.

[BLACKOUT]

SCROOGE: Can we change the font to Helvetica?

The Interrogation of Mr. Fluffles

MILLER: (Shining light on the cat) Where were you at 19:00 hours, "Fluffles